


I can’t keep playing seconds

by Ayooheather



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, F/M, One Shot, romanogers - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-01
Updated: 2018-02-01
Packaged: 2019-03-12 05:08:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13540344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ayooheather/pseuds/Ayooheather
Summary: Steve wants all of her or none of her....





	I can’t keep playing seconds

He sat on the couch in his old shabby apartment with a beer in his hand. Alcohol didn’t have any effect on him but it was the thought that counted. This is where he always went when he needed time away, time to think - his personal escape from reality. He may be Captain America now but in his heart, he will always be just that scrawny little kid from Brooklyn. Steve stared down at the number of missed calls - all of which were from Natasha. He sighed and closed his eyes before tossing his phone aside. It was only a matter of time now before she found out he was hiding here. It wouldn’t surprise him if she already knew. 

As if right on cue, the door knob turned and there she was. She slowly closed the door before walking over to take the seat next to him before sighing herself. 

“Steve. We need to talk” her voice was quiet. He could tell she was refraining herself from reaching over to touch him. He wasn’t sure if he felt more relieved or more disappointed by the lack of physical touch.

“There’s not much to talk about” he answered without emotion. 

“Steve-”

“No Nat.” He cut her off, raising his voice a bit. “I’m so sick and tired of fighting with you over him” 

“Clint has been there for me. If it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t be here right now.” Natasha tried to argue. “He’s my best friend”

“And what am I?” This time he looked her right in the eyes as he spoke. 

Natasha’s eyes fell as she avoided his gaze. “That’s not fair.” Her voice trailed off. 

That was more than enough confirmation for Steve. He stood up and tossed the beer bottle against the wall, watching has it shatter into tiny pieces. “Fair? Do you really want to talk about fair? Okay, well let’s start off with how this is even remotely fair for me.” He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. His mother raised him better than to act like this. “I can’t keep hiding us from him.” He sighed defeatedly - almost pleading for her to understand how he was feeling.

Natasha remained quiet, staring down at her hands. She knew how hard it was for Steve to keep their relationship a secret from Clint. She just wished he could see things from her perspective. Things with Clint were complicated. She meant it when she said he was her best friend to her but there was always that gray area between them. They had a past and if Natasha were being completely honest, she knew Clint still harbored feelings for her. She didn’t want to hurt him with her relationship with Steve. She didn’t want to risk losing his friendship but she also didn’t want to hurt Steve in the process. It was all too complicated.

“I’m sorry.” She said quietly before getting up and wrapping her arms around his waist - savoring the warmth of his body. “I love you Steve.” She murmured into his chest. She hated how soft she was when she was with him. The emotional dependency she had grown for him has become borderline unhealthy but it was far too late to fix it now - nor did she want to fix it. 

“I love you too Nat” he finally spoke before pulling away from her - dreading the words that were about to come out of his mouth. “But I can’t do this anymore.”

“Steve-” 

“It’s okay.” He shrugged with a forced smile on his face. “I just can’t do this and stick it out, waiting for you to figure things out because in the end, when it comes down to it, we both know you wouldn’t pick me”

“That’s not true” She shook her head trying to ensure him that he was wrong.

“It okay. I never actually thought you would pick me. I just hoped” he laughed dryly with a slight shrug. “I love you Natasha Romanoff. More than I thought I could ever love someone” He kissed her forehead gently before taking a step back. Every fiber of his being was telling him to stay - stay and fight for her but he knew it was a losing battle. He couldn’t force her to choose him over her best friend. It wouldn’t be fair for her or himself. He forced himself to walk toward the door and leave, knowing that if he stood there a moment longer, he would lose all the strength to do what was right. 

He opened the door and stood there for a second, turning to face her one last time. “For the record, I never wanted you to choose between me and him. I just wanted to be happy with you.” He murmured and then he was gone.

 

It’s been exactly one week since Steve walked away from Natasha and it has been hell. He missed her like crazy - missed holding her in his arms and kissing her - he just missed her. It was like an emotional void that took over him. What made it even harder was the fact that he still saw her everyday. They were partners - it was their job to save the world so avoiding each other wasn’t an option. At least they were able to keep things strictly professional - only speaking to one another when it pertained to the task at hand which was exactly what they were doing right now. 

“Romanoff, stay alert.” He spoke through the intercom as he kept his eyes focused on the screen. He hated when the mission required for him to be on standby - it made him feel useless and out of control. The possibility of things going south and Natasha getting hurt drove him absolutely insane.

“Got it Cap” he heard her say back. He envied how easy it was for her to pretend as if nothing were wrong.

All of a sudden, an unexpected boom rang through his earpiece. “Natasha?” He yelled through the intercom - fear pumped through every ounce of his body. “Natasha? Are you okay?” He yelled once more but there was nothing but static. He pound his fists on the computer out of frustration. He could hear Agent Hill’s faint voice telling him to remain calm and to not do anything impulsive but he didn’t give a damn about orders now. His main concern was Natasha’s safety. Steve picked up his shield and immediately jumped off of the quinjet, following his instincts.

“Captain Rogers. What do you think you’re doing?” Agent Hill yelled into his ear. “This is not a part of the-”

Steve frustratedly ripped the earpiece - not caring about the repercussions. He’ll deal with the punishment later. Once he was on the ground, he raced through the burning building, searching everywhere for the red head. His heart started pounding as panic ran through his body. The smoke was thick, making it extremely difficult for him to breathe - let alone see clearly. 

“Where are you Nat?” He muttered to himself. 

The flames were getting worse by the second but he didn’t care. He was going to find her even if it meant it would kill him. As if God had answered his prayers, he heard a fit of coughs in few yards away.

“Nat” He yelled as loud as he could as he ran toward the direction of the noise. 

“What are you doing here?” Natasha asked, her voice was dripping with irritation but he dismissed it and scooped her up in his arms and raced out of the building.

“Put me down right now Rogers” Natasha barked. “I’m not some damsel in distress”

Steve ignored all her protests - not stopping until he made sure he got her somewhere safe. 

“I need paramedics now” Steve demanded Agent Hill, who was outside waiting for him. He could tell by the look on her face that he was going to have to explain his actions later but he thankful she wasn’t going to lecture him at this exact moment.

“I’m fine Hill.” Natasha rolled her eyes once Steve set her down. “I have a few bruises and cuts. That’s it.” She gave Agent Hill a look that let her know that paramedics was not necessary nor was it an option but she knew the Captain’s orders outranked her. She tried to stand up on her own but felt a sharp pain shoot up her leg, causing her to fall to the ground. 

“God, would you just sit still.” Steve yelled out before kneeling beside her and wrapping his arms protectively around her. He could see the strange look Agent Hill gave them a strange look but he ignored it - focusing his all of his attention on Natasha. It only took a few minutes before a plane landed with the medics racing toward him. He stepped aside to let the medics do their job. 

“I think she has a fracture in her right leg and a few bruised ribs.” the young man said as he shined a light into Natasha’s eyes, prompting her to follow his finger. “I’m going to need to do a head CT once we’re back.” 

Steve stood aside silently with his arms crossed. He watched as they wheeled her off onto the helicopter. 

“Aren’t you going to go with her?” Maria finally spoke as she observed the soldier carefully. She watched as he softly shook his head. 

“So you would jump out of a plane to save her but you won’t sit with her on a plane?” She chuckled. “I’m sorry but you are being completely ridiculous. What is going on between you two?”

“Nothing.” Steve scrunched his eyebrows seriously.

“Cut the shit” She responded back and raised her hand to stop him before he could interject. “I know, Language.” 

Steve couldn’t help but roll his eyes. “I say it one time and now it’s a running joke forever” He shook his head.

“Seriously, we all know about you and Agent Romanoff. There’s no need to hide it anymore.” 

“I’m not hiding anything. There’s nothing going on with us”. Steve picked up his shield and started back for the quinjet. “Not anymore anyways…” he added under his breath

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve been dying to finish this one shot but have been so busy with life.... I want to write them getting back together after everything but have terrible writer’s block so I’m not entirely sure I will add to this yet... if anyone wants to write a get back together one shot for this... be my guest!


End file.
